Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day Jenny!  I never, in a million years, would have imagined how hard it would be to be a mom....how about you?  Yeah, we knew it would be hard, but THIS hard?  When I am in the thick of it, though, I always know that there will be a rainbow.  Just like after a storm, there is always a rainbow.  The wonderful way they laugh, that unexpected hug, the way they look when you walk in the door after coming home after grocery shopping and the smile you get when you go in to get them in the morning.  There will always be something to pull you back into the fold of being a mother.  It truly is unconditional.  We give a lot, sometimes all, of ourselves.  Would you have it any other way? 

I had a wonderful Mother's Day today.  My DD has the sweetest little voice and she was able to say "Happy Mother's Day Mama!" quite a bit today.  It was beautiful out.  We spent a lot of time outdoors.  My oldest gave me a heart key chain that he made at school with a homemade card.  As I was putting him to bed, I told him how much I loved my gift and he asked if I would rather have had a flower key chain.  I said hearts are my favorite, so you made a great choice.  He said that there were other colors to choose from, and I told him, again, pink was perfect because it is a heart! 

I hope this week is a better one for you.  It will get better.  It has to.  As always, we are thinking of you.  Love conquers all, and you have more love to give than anyone I know.  Never forget that you have always done everything with love in mind.  It is at the core of everything you do. 

ER Visit

I am blogging out of order here.  This event happened on day 9 and 18 holes in for PacifierGate. 

It was bath time for my oldest, the bath was ready and in he walks to brush his teeth.  He is kind of whining and holding his stomach.  I ask him what is wrong, he says his tummy hurts.  I am not concerned at this point.  I tell him the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf on a daily basis because he is always whining or crying about something that has nothing to do with anything.  So emotional, this child.  Well, he proceeds to hit the floor, doubled over, crying hard now.  He is piquing my interest now.  I ask him where it hurts, I do some pushing and feeling.  He just keeps saying that he really hurts.  I am kind of looking at my husband, WHAT SHOULD WE DO??  I said that maybe we need to go to the doctor.  My oldest kind of gets a second wind, pops up, not fully straight, but gets up to go to the bathroom.  He has quite a full bladder and I thought, that must be it.  He hobbles into the bath and seems to be doing better.  It is time to get out, and he can't.  He is crying again and my husband has to lift him out.  He is laying on the floor and we are putting his pajamas on for him.  I tell my husband that you need to bring him to the ER.  So, he carries him into the car and off they go. 

They do blood work and do an x-ray.  It all indicated that he was constipated.  He goes poop everyday, it has never been a problem.  He pooped the next day after school.  He continues to poop.  I guess you could say, sometimes, poop happens.

PacifierGate Continues...

Well, 25 holes and 11 days after the start of PacifierGate, and we have a reaction.  I was so concerned that my DD would be the one to be completely devastated by the breakdown of her pacifier, however, it was my DS that needed my concern.  At nap time yesterday afternoon, he discovered a hole in one of his pacifiers.  He said, "broke" a few times and was chewing on it as I read books.  I hear a small snap and he has bitten a small chunk out of the pacifier.  He said "broke" again and I said "Yes, broke.  We will have to throw this away."  I handed him the garbage and he threw it in.  He then went for his other pacifier, now, his last one.  That one had a big slice in the tip as well.  He started crying and said "broke" over and over again, interspersed with "more bops, more bops."  Ooooh boy.  By this point, DD is also crying, but I think it is because she witnessed a bop being thrown into the garbage.  She has never reacted to the holes in the pacifier, she has just basically stopped using it.  She will chew on it a little bit, but now when I go into her room in the morning or after nap, it is never in her mouth.  I am so ok with that.  If she wants to sleep with her pacifier until she is married, go ahead.  As long as she is sleeping and doing fine.  Now, what to do with my DS.  He was hysterical.  After I layed down DD (they have their own rooms), I came back in to give him some extra love.  I read another book, told him I knew why he was sad, it was sad to have some things break.....but it is nap time (big fake smile!).  He cried hard for another 10 minutes or so, and then took his nap.  Same thing happened at bedtime as well.  Same thing happened at nap time this afternoon, but only for 10 minutes and I didn't have to go back in.  It was not a hard cry, just a sad cry.  Bedtime tonight, there was crying, but he stopped when I layed him in bed.  I will keep you updated.

On another "fun" note, I have been back into walking on the treadmill at nap time.  Hate it.  Can't stand it.  No happy endorphins here, and there never has been.  It is done out of pure necessity.  I wish I was a runner because then I could get it over with faster.  This has been going on for the past 3 weeks.  It cuts in to my "me" time.  Some would say that it is "me" time, but it most certainly is not.  I would rather be dusting, or washing the floor on my hands and knees.  I have also been trying to stop my total and complete addiction to Starbucks Chai Tea.  I have been trying since New Years.  I was doing pretty well, then I told myself that I can just have 1 a week.  That wouldn't be so bad.  (I need to stop the tea because it is all sugar, it is not the tea bag kind, it is the syrup kind.  It is liquid crack, I kid you not.)  Well, one a week, turned into 2, then 3, soon I was back at it at least 5 times, maybe more, a week.  So, I had one today.  I already want one tomorrow and it is still today. 

So, with PacifierGate, &!@*(#$ walking, and trying to stop my liquid crack, I mean, Starbucks Chai Tea addiction, I am one crabby lady. 

Waiting for a Reaction

First off, I thought that your last post was so incredibly sweet, Jenny!  Actually, both of them were.  I can only imagine how you were feeling when you first went into Nell's room your first morning back!  I had butterfly's in my stomach.  To see her face after you had been gone, must have been priceless.  How much you miss David when he is gone, and not for the reasons that one would imagine, was really heart warming. 

Well, I know I said I was going to start this whole PaciferGate this coming Friday, but I started it this past Saturday.  We poked 3 holes in each pacifier (they each have 2, I threw out the others so I couldn't fudge).  I got all comfy cozy in a soft sweatshirt and brushed my teeth in anticipation of late night snuggling to occur.  We gave them their bath, got the jammies on, they both went for the pacifier's and.......nothing.  No reaction, could have cared less.  Sunday night, three more holes, nothing.  Monday night, three more holes, nothing.  Tuesday night, three more holes, nothing.  We are up to 12 holes, people!!!  What is going on????  My DD woke up from her nap today feeling like she slept on top of a furnace.  Red and steamy hot.  She laid in my arms for the rest of the afternoon and early evening.  Wouldn't eat her snack or dinner.  I couldn't add any more holes tonight....not that it would have MATTERED!  If she is feeling better tomorrow, I am going with one big hole in each pacifier. 

The saga continues.   

Passive-Aggressive?


This evening, my other half is away on business as he is a couple nights a week. This has been going on since August of last year. Before that, it was very rare that he was ever gone. Busy doing other things around the house - for sure. But away from the house with the guys, for work or in the bar watching a game - never. In fact, any time he did get a call, I practically kicked him out the door to go and get out of the house. 


I'm OK with it because, as I alluded to in my previous post, I basically do it all here folks.  Well, not the house projects or lawn care or car maintenance and such. This is a big chunk of time as well - chunks spent away from the kids, however. But I am getting off the point here. The part that bothers me the most is after the kids go to bed. The two of us usually stay up until 11, maybe 12, doing our separate things more often than not. We don't have a functional living room so we have the flat screen wall mounted in our bedroom with cable and Tivo box, as well as Netflix streaming. I have my laptop and work stuff in the room so that I can watch while working, or stop to focus and watch. Herein lies the problem: when he goes, I am at a complete loss of what to do. I  don't know any channels - he usually handles that. I don't know how to work the Tivo - again, his. For some reason I really don't want to watch a movie even though I can watch whatever drama I can get my hands on without a complaint. And, I usually don't even feel like working - it's too quiet. So, for the most part I read until I fall asleep, and last night that was 9:45 PM. I already made it past that time writing this blog this evening. Wow. 


For a person that is constantly making decisions throughout the day, I can't make this one. 

Catching up from the East Coast

First, I have to comment on Rachel's drunken weekend and pacifier blues... this might be the weekend to drink those Skinny Girl Cosmos again. Call up your friend again and see if the dads will handle bed time while they are at it! Good luck to ya - the only thing I did right with my youngest daughter is take it away (cold turkey, by the way) at 13 months. Granted, she had thrush and I was told that it was quite painful to contract that via breastfeeding, but it was a flawless process. I was quite worried as well, but 13 months is world's away from 28 months. You can do it Rachie!

As was mentioned, I took my two older girls to Arizona to see their grandmother during Spring break. As a result, I was away from my 23 month old daughter for 7 days and nights. For the recrod, I put all 3 of my kids to bed every night and it is often a juggling act with lots of waiting: one or more whining they need help brushing and having to wait for me to break free, one falling asleep waiting in their bed with a book or two in my bed waiting, waiting, waiting. We just can't seem to get it down to a science due to nap schedules, activities that make them more or less tired, etc.  Most of the time my husband will read books or watch TV with someone while waiting for me to actually put them to bed. He never does it and they don't want it. So, naturally my little one was pretty worried and confused when I was suddenly gone. She acted much the way she acts with the babysitter - constantly searching and on edge. But, within 3 days, she was attached to my husband like glue. They came up with their own routines: getting a cracker to bring in her crib before bed, waking and eating oranges and crackers in our bed, rocking in the chair several rounds before bed, late night rocking in the chair until she pointed that she was done. Needless to say, this was not going to work for my already-busy work load in the house. (I will say that David changed the crib sheets and our bed sheets the day we came home - thankfully. But, when I asked if she took a bath every night he said that he thought he just gave her one bath early in the week... good lord). 

Sunday morning, when she called DADDY from the crib instead of my name, I immediately went in with a huge smile on my face and arms open wide. But, she seemed just as confused as I imagined she was with my husband in the beginning of the week. She just looked at me for a while and asked for a cracker and orange. When my husband finally woke up, she went right to him and preferred him for the day. The next day we got to know each other again and since then she is both mama's girl and daddy's girl. He put her to bed on Wednesday night and they played outside this evening. The extreme attachment that she and my other two girls also had at this age diminished and maybe not for good but for the time being. It's a nice thing for both of us. 

Nighty-night.

Soon to be Sleepless in MN

So, all three kiddos went to the dentist on Saturday.  This was the babes 2nd visit.  6 months ago, their bites were fine and the dentist was ok with the pacifier use.  Fast forward to this past weekend, not so much.  BOTH bites have been effected and the pacifiers need to be disposed of.  They are great sleepers.  I know for sure the pacifier helps them wait patiently in their cribs (especially my DD) in the mornings for one of us to come and get them around 7a.  Sometimes at night one or both cries out, but not for long because, yay!  I found my pacifier! 

I have been unable to sleep at night since the appointment thinking of how I am going to get rid of them.  I have talked to my ECFE class about it (no help) and I have read endlessly on line about the topic.  I know that I can not cold turkey it.  It just seems so cruel to take away the security just like that.  I have decided that we will poke holes in the tip to make it hard to suck.  So passive aggressive, I know.  They both understand that things break and sometimes when that happens, we need to throw things away.  It will also allow them to give it up, rather than us.  If they really want they can still hold it or chew on it in a different way.....until the next visit to the dentist.

I told myself that next Friday is the day.  I then said, why wait?  I will do it this Friday.  I just found out that it is going to storm this Friday.  I am going to wait for next Friday because of that.  They will not be sleeping well and without pacifiers, they will freak out with the storm. 

This whole thing hurts my heart.  Does that make sense?  This may seem strange because I am the mom that let her children cry it out.  My stomach still tightens when I hear them cry at night or at nap time, though.  With my first, it was so, so hard.  It was easier with the babes, but still hard to do.  Knowing that my oldest was a good sleeper, did help a little.

That is all for know.  I will let you know how it goes.  Cross your fingers!